Understanding Caregiver Burnout
This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase from these links, I may make a commission.
Is it normal to feel frustrated, angry?
Feelings of frustration and anger are normal when going through a life changing experience, especially when you are caring for a loved one going through cancer. I remember feeling all the emotions while I was caring for my husband. In the beginning I was on autopilot helping get everything set up and trying to stay on top of all the information, appointments, etc. The frustration and anger didn’t present for me right away until after getting into the ‘treatment’ routine with him.
Caring for a loved one with cancer can be emotionally and physically draining (no joke!). It’s difficult to watch them suffer and feelings of overwhelm and helplessness are real (check out my previous blog post about feeling helpless). The stress of caregiving can cause us to feel irritable and frustrated, and sadly we can find ourselves lashing out to the person we are caring for or even other family members.
One of my clients told me there was a day she didn’t even like herself, she couldn’t stand to be around herself (ever feel that way?? Um – YES!). She felt bad because she was taking it out on her husband. She knew she wasn’t mad at her husband, she was mad at the cancer, at how the cancer was disrupting their life. This is a normal response and being able to recognize it helps us work through it easier.
Here are some strategies I found helpful when I was irritated, feeling angry, or frustrated during my caregiving days:
1. Acknowledge and validate the feelings that are coming up:
It’s okay to feel angry and frustrated, your life has changed (without your permission). Try not to judge yourself for feeling this way. Feel it, scream it out, cry it out, pound it out…whatever it takes!
2. Share your feelings with the one you are caring for:
Don’t be afraid to share your feelings with your loved one/spouse. This can be done in a calm and respectful way. Let them know you are frustrated with the situation and not them. You know what, they may be feeling the same way and sharing the emotions together may help expose the elephant in the room (taking the edge off and releasing any tension that may be between you two).
3. Find support:
Reach out to others (friend, family, cancer doula) for emotional support. You don’t have to go through this alone! Having someone to talk to can help release emotions making you feel better. I had a friend who was my go-to person. I would start our conversation with “I just need to vent”, which took the pressure off for her to feel she needed to fix it or give me advice. Sometimes the best support is just having that person who you can talk to, someone who can relate, who has been through it, or someone who can just listen! I’ve had clients stop and say “You get it, you really get it”. This had brought tears to my eyes and always warms my heart! It’s hard stuff we are going through and finding someone who has felt what you feel offers hope and healing!
4. Take care of yourself:
Caring for someone can be physically and mentally exhausting. As the caregiver we tend to ignore our own needs. It is essential to take care of us! Make sure you are getting plenty of sleep, eating well, exercising, and doing things that bring you joy and relaxation. Don’t feel guilty about setting time aside for you! Simple self-care like walking with a friend, sitting outside listening to the birds sing while drinking your morning coffee, and enjoying aromatherapy* can relieve tension in the body.
Remember to be patient and kind to yourself as you navigate the difficult situation. Healing takes time, and it’s okay to take things one hour, one day, one step at a time.
*Did you know? Aromatherapy is the fastest way to the brain for mood modulation? Inhaling essential oils sends signals to the olfactory system and stimulates the brain to exert neurotransmitters to help regulate mood.
Fun Fact: Essential oil molecules reach the brain within 22 seconds. In 2 minutes, they can be found in the bloodstream and within 20 minutes they can work themselves deep down to the cellular level to support the well-being functions of the body and mind. Powerful aren’t they??
Check out my Natural Remedies to try during cancer treatment post for more information.